November 22, 2012

400-Word Scenario #9: Thanksgiving 2042

Patrick Marren
Partner

"Now let us all join hands and give thanks for all we have this day.

"First, for our gas generator that saved us when the power grid went down yet again last night. It costs four times as much as our fathers' power bill, but it's there when we need it and it keeps our electric fence going when the Others try to enter our yard. 

"Second, for our advanced weaponry and the Iron Dome that defends us from all enemies, domestic and...well, mostly domestic. Our new rooftop electromagnetic pulse gun stops the Others before they even reach the security perimeter moat. 

"Third, for our well-pipe drilling apparatus that allows us to source our water deeper than our neighbors, allowing them to die off more quickly.

"Fourth, for our home schooling that will allow our children to one day establish their own compounds, perhaps next door when old Perrottet has an unfortunate accident, or old man Kennedy dies from the plague, or Thomas eats a bad yam he got from a kind neighbor. 

"Fifth, for our increasing freedom from government or collectivism of any kind, as our Founders intended. If they wanted government, after all, they would have founded one. 

"Sixth, for our new family members, Abdul and Jiang.

"Seventh, for the additional land conquests that necessitated their...rescue from the Others, so they could work the land and reap the tasty harvest we have before us, at least until they have finished dessert and gone out to the back forty to finish sowing the winter wheat.

"Eighth, for the septic system that allows us to process our effluent, use it to fertilize our crops, and also to send it strategically toward the Others whenever they become unreasonable.

"Ninth, for the food we grow 100% on our compound, allowing us to ensure the purity of our bodily apparatuses. 

"Tenth and finally, for the fear that each of has of one another, that is the basis of our individualism and our creativity. Renaissance Italy produced endless war and constant internecine struggle, but also Michelangelo and Leonardo; Switzerland in 400 years produced only the cuckoo clock. So I raise my glass of home-made wine to you: May we all remain jealous of our liberties, and hateful toward any outside influence... CHEERS!"

[Drinks toast, blanches, drops to floor with foaming lips. Assembled guests do not move, but give each other knowing and sly looks.]

[Inspired by the following op-ed this morning... http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/22/opinion/kristof-a-failed-experiment.ht... ]

Thoughts?