January 07, 2013

Inauguration Scenario

Patrick Marren
Partner

OATH ROUND TWO

(January 21, 2013. Two men warily approach each other in front of tens of thousands of people.)

CHIEF JUSTICE JOHN ROBERTS: Mr. President.

PRESIDENT OBAMA: Mr. Chief Justice.

ROBERTS: Repeat after me.

OBAMA: This is how we got into trouble last time.

ROBERTS: This is how we got into trouble last time.

OBAMA: No, I repeat after you.

ROBERTS: Okay. Right. I, Barack HUSSEIN...

OBAMA: I, Barack Hussein Obama...

ROBERTS: I'm not finished.

OBAMA: Neither am I.

ROBERTS: Neither am I.

[pause as the two stare at each other]

ROBERTS: I, John HUSSEIN Roberts, do solemnly swear...

OBAMA: [pause] I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear...

ROBERTS: To execute Hussein Osama...

OBAMA: To execute... what?

ROBERTS: Sorry... Faithfully to execute faithfully the office to President to the United States of Africa...

OBAMA: [stares hard] To execute the office OF President of the United States of America...

ROBERTS: SORRY! ...To execute faithfully the "office of President of the United States of America," faithfully.

OBAMA: Why are you making quote marks with your fingers?

ROBERTS: Tradition.

OBAMA: To execute faithfully the office of President of the United States of America...

ROBERTS: AHA!

OBAMA: AHA!

ROBERTS: You got the "faithfully" wrong. It was supposed to be before "execute."

OBAMA: You got it wrong first.

ROBERTS: Nevertheless.

[long pause]

OBAMA: I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Chief Justice of the United States of America.

ROBERTS: Let's move on.

OBAMA: Let's move on.

ROBERTS: And will to the worst of your ability...

OBAMA: And will to the best of my ability...

ROBERTS: Pervert, preclude, and defeat...

OBAMA: Preserve, protect, and defend...

ROBERTS: [mumbling] The Democrat Party against [regular voice again] the Constitution of the United States.

OBAMA: The Constitution of the United States.

ROBERTS: So help you Allah?

OBAMA: So help me God... I'm going to kick your a**.

ROBERTS: Congratulations; you are now officially "President of the United States."

OBAMA: Tradition again?

ROBERTS: It is now.

Comments  | 

Keith
Funniest thing I've read in weeks.

Thoughts?