OATH ROUND TWO
(January 21, 2013. Two men warily approach each other in front of tens of thousands of people.)
CHIEF JUSTICE JOHN ROBERTS: Mr. President.
PRESIDENT OBAMA: Mr. Chief Justice.
ROBERTS: Repeat after me.
OBAMA: This is how we got into trouble last time.
ROBERTS: This is how we got into trouble last time.
OBAMA: No, I repeat after you.
ROBERTS: Okay. Right. I, Barack HUSSEIN...
OBAMA: I, Barack Hussein Obama...
ROBERTS: I'm not finished.
OBAMA: Neither am I.
ROBERTS: Neither am I.
[pause as the two stare at each other]
ROBERTS: I, John HUSSEIN Roberts, do solemnly swear...
OBAMA: [pause] I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear...
ROBERTS: To execute Hussein Osama...
OBAMA: To execute... what?
ROBERTS: Sorry... Faithfully to execute faithfully the office to President to the United States of Africa...
OBAMA: [stares hard] To execute the office OF President of the United States of America...
ROBERTS: SORRY! ...To execute faithfully the "office of President of the United States of America," faithfully.
OBAMA: Why are you making quote marks with your fingers?
OBAMA: To execute faithfully the office of President of the United States of America...
ROBERTS: You got the "faithfully" wrong. It was supposed to be before "execute."
OBAMA: You got it wrong first.
OBAMA: I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Chief Justice of the United States of America.
ROBERTS: Let's move on.
OBAMA: Let's move on.
ROBERTS: And will to the worst of your ability...
OBAMA: And will to the best of my ability...
ROBERTS: Pervert, preclude, and defeat...
OBAMA: Preserve, protect, and defend...
ROBERTS: [mumbling] The Democrat Party against [regular voice again] the Constitution of the United States.
OBAMA: The Constitution of the United States.
ROBERTS: So help you Allah?
OBAMA: So help me God... I'm going to kick your a**.
ROBERTS: Congratulations; you are now officially "President of the United States."
OBAMA: Tradition again?
ROBERTS: It is now.