FSG Blog
January 7, 2013

Inauguration Scenario


(January 21, 2013. Two men warily approach each other in front of tens of thousands of people.)


PRESIDENT OBAMA: Mr. Chief Justice.

ROBERTS: Repeat after me.

OBAMA: This is how we got into trouble last time.

ROBERTS: This is how we got into trouble last time.

OBAMA: No, I repeat after you.

ROBERTS: Okay. Right. I, Barack HUSSEIN…

OBAMA: I, Barack Hussein Obama…

ROBERTS: I'm not finished.

OBAMA: Neither am I.

ROBERTS: Neither am I.

[pause as the two stare at each other]

ROBERTS: I, John HUSSEIN Roberts, do solemnly swear…

OBAMA: [pause] I, Barack Hussein Obama, do solemnly swear…

ROBERTS: To execute Hussein Osama…

OBAMA: To execute… what?

ROBERTS: Sorry… Faithfully to execute faithfully the office to President to the United States of Africa…

OBAMA: [stares hard] To execute the office OF President of the United States of America

ROBERTS: SORRY! …To execute faithfully the "office of President of the United States of America," faithfully.

OBAMA: Why are you making quote marks with your fingers?

ROBERTS: Tradition.

OBAMA: To execute faithfully the office of President of the United States of America…



ROBERTS: You got the "faithfully" wrong. It was supposed to be before "execute."

OBAMA: You got it wrong first.

ROBERTS: Nevertheless.

[long pause]

OBAMA: I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Chief Justice of the United States of America.

ROBERTS: Let's move on.

OBAMA: Let's move on.

ROBERTS: And will to the worst of your ability…

OBAMA: And will to the best of my ability…

ROBERTS: Pervert, preclude, and defeat…

OBAMA: Preserve, protect, and defend…

ROBERTS: [mumbling] The Democrat Party against [regular voice again] the Constitution of the United States.

OBAMA: The Constitution of the United States.

ROBERTS: So help you Allah?

OBAMA: So help me God… I'm going to kick your a**.

ROBERTS: Congratulations; you are now officially "President of the United States."

OBAMA: Tradition again?

ROBERTS: It is now.

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