That…scenario…did NOT…just…happen. But it happened on this date.
590: Emperor Maurice names his son Theodosius co-emperor of the Byzantine Empire, but retains the title of Pompatus of Love for himself.
1351: Gang warfare was never classier than in the medieval Battle of the Thirty, when 30 British-Breton knights and squires faced off against 30 French-Breton knights and squires for no apparent reason other than to impress two women, Joan, Duchess of Brittany, and Joanna of Flanders. The French side wins after killing nine of the Brits and capturing the rest, though the Black Knight disputes this, insisting he's fit as a fiddle despite losing all arms and legs.
1934: A driver's license test is introduced in Great Britain. The Black Knight insists that he passed, though all four of his tires are punctured.
1812: The Boston Gazette first uses the word "gerrymander" to describe oddly shaped congressional districts designed by partisans of Governor Elbridge Gerry to give the minority power to block all progress. Within a mere 200 years this innovation will become the basis of the entire American system of government.
1979: Anwar al-Sadat, Menachem Begin, and Jimmy Carter sign the Camp David Peace Accords, securing eternal peace in the Middle East and Jimmy Carter's landslide re-election.